The Perfect Bluff
by butterfly52
Summary: In which Sirius arrives at his fateful decision to suggest switching Secret-Keepers, Lily and James consider the harsh implications of such a ploy, and devastating goodbyes are said. Oneshot; rated for language.


**My first crack at Harry Potter fan-fiction. I gave the books a reread recently and did some thinking about what Sirius' plan to switch with Pettigrew really entailed and what it still would have meant for him, even if it'd gone as well as he hoped. I think it would have been agony for the Potters to let their friend put himself in that kind of danger for them, but they were parents whose child was in danger. So anyway, I hope you all enjoy this! Please leave a review and let me know what you think! **

It started as just a nagging thought in the back of his mind. When Dumbledore and recommended the Fidelius Charm, they all knew that he would be the Secret-Keeper. It was so obvious, that it hardly seemed as though there was any point to thinking about it further. But two days later, just hours before they were to meet to preform the spell, Sirius was mad with terror; he hadn't slept a moment since that nagging thought first took hold.

_Can you withstand anything?_

It was a simple question. _Yes _he immediately thought. Of course he could. He would rather die than allow any harm to come to James, Lily or least of all Harry. He would gladly face whatever Voldemort could throw at him.

But that wasn't entirely true. He wouldn't _gladly_ face it; he wasn't a complete lunatic.

Of course, this distinction wouldn't matter. He would face any measure of horrors anyway. Nothing was more important to him than the Potters' safety. He loved them more than his flesh-and-blood family. It wasn't lost on him that this love would most likely cost him his life. Voldemort's cronies would look for him first; they were probably already looking and would find him very soon.

Strangely though, it wasn't this thought that inspired his fear. He was very at peace with it; for his friends, his life was not too high a price.

But it wouldn't be so simple. He'd experienced the cruciatus curse before. In extremely small doses. It was agony. Agony for which he didn't know any words strong enough. Agony that would make the strongest and the bravest men crumble and lose themselves and that which mattered most to them. And Voldemort would have no use for anything in "small doses" when it came to his best lead to get to the boy.

_The boy_, Sirius thought painfully. _That precious boy; my godson._ Could he entrust something so precious to his ability to withstand hours and hours of the torture curse? On his certainty that he wouldn't lose his mind and beg for reprieve? That he wouldn't reach a point where he said anything just to make it stop?

Sirius suddenly felt a deep shame. What kind of Gryffindor was he? He was making excuses. He told himself, resolutely, that he must go through with the original plan. That he must not be a coward.

He poured himself another tall glass of fire-whiskey and looked at a photo of the four Marauders with Lily and the baby, taken shortly after Harry was born. He could hardly bare to look at Remus, his suspicion was still such a painful burden on his heart. But as he looked at the rest of them, smiling and waving, himself holding little Harry, his heart swelled with determination. _They must be safe, no matter what. _

Suddenly, a thought occurred to him.

_What if I could be certain that I wouldn't tell? _

_ What if I couldn't tell? _

Suddenly, it made sense. That was the answer. The Death Eaters were coming for him; that much was certain. It couldn't be avoided. They would find him, and torture him in hopes of extracting the Potters' location from him. But if he could be absolutely certain that no madness or desperation would make him a danger to his loved ones, he hardly cared what they did to him.

The Potters needed to use another Secret-Keeper. One that no one knew about or suspected.

Peter.

It made perfect sense. Peter, timid, unassuming, little Peter. No one would waste their time going after Peter.

Peter wouldn't hold up for thirty seconds under torture. That thought was scary to Sirius, but he soon reminded himself that he wouldn't have to. Everyone would be sure Sirius was the Secret-Keeper. Voldemort would waste incredible amounts of time on him. Even if-no, when, he reminded himself soberly,-he died, they would never turn their attention to Peter.

When they came for Sirius, it would buy the Potters and Peter time to change their situation and stay a step ahead. As long as the true Secret-Keeper could stay off Voldemort's radar, the Fidelius Charm had the best chance of keeping the Potters safe.

With his plan in mind, he went straight to see the Potters.

Sitting in their living room in Godric's Hollow, Lily and James could hardly believe what they were hearing. As Sirius explained his fears and his proposed solution, they listened quietly. Their situation was grave, but now the realization of the sacrifices they needed from their friends was truly sinking in.

James closed his eyes tightly and clenched his fist.

"I have a bad feeling about Peter," said Lily candidly. They both looked up at her in surprise. "I'm not sure why. I just, I don't think he'd guard the secret as closely as you would, Sirius. He's not as courageous as the rest of you."

"Lily, listen to what you're saying," said James. "Are we hedging bets on which of our friends we can ask to tolerate the most torture for us?"

"Don't you dare act like I'm some kind of monster, James!" she snapped. "This was always an implication of Dumbledore's suggestion! We didn't want to do it for that reason, it's the reality we're faced with! This is our son's life! I'll speak as candidly as I have to!"

"James," said Sirius. "She's right. It's Harry you need to worry about. Nothing else matters."

"Oh my God, no," said Lily, starting to tear up. "You matter Sirius. You matter so much more than you know." In truth, she tried to be brave, but the idea of any of their friends suffering any more because of them was breaking her heart.

"I like the idea of Remus better," said James.

"Absolutely not," said Sirius. He was dreading having to go over this again. He hated himself for thinking it about Moony, but it was the only explanation that made sense to him. "It breaks my heart too, James, but I don't think he can be trusted with this. He's gutsier than Peter, I'll give him that, but if we can't be 100% of his loyalty, none of that matters."

"I don't know though, Sirius," said James. "She's right about Peter. I don't think for a minute he would willingly betray us. But if they get to him, he'd fold like an umbrella, as the muggle expression goes."

"But they won't get to him," said Sirius. "That's the only reason this works. The only reason I thought of it. It's going to give you an extra line of defense."

"You mean you," said James. "So, if I'm understanding you right, we do this, we name Peter the Secret-Keeper, we instruct him to act normal. No one else on earth knows it's him. Meanwhile, you wait to be captured by Voldemort. And all the while, while he's doing his worst, you have literally no way to make it stop."

"And if anything happens to me," Sirius started, not allowing James the opportunity to express his sadness at Sirius' fate. "The minute I go missing, Peter can quietly get further and further away from their reach. He'll have plenty of time come up with unsuspicious reasons. Voldemort will keep me alive for a long time. He won't give up and he'll have ways of prolonging it. The Order won't know that I'm not in any danger of telling and they'll act accordingly, so the updates Voldemort gets from his bloody spies will just confirm that he has to get it out of me. He won't look elsewhere. Even after I die, Peter will never have occurred to him."

He looked at them both; they were crying.

"How I can leave you to such a fate?" said James. He reached over to take his hand and squeeze it tightly, as if committing the feeling to memory. "Padfoot."

"You can," Sirius started, clearly his throat, "because as much as you think you love me, you love your son more. As you should. Fuck, James, I love you and your wife and your son more than I love me." He tried to smile, but he saw he only succeeded in making them cry more.

"I don't want you to die, Sirius," Lily said, in a small weak voice. Hearing that made his eyes start to water as well. He reached across the table and put his free hand on her cheek, only to realize it was shaking.

"You and the Order have just got to hurry up and win the war then," said Sirius, again trying to be light. "Before he finishes me off." He forced a laugh. James' grip on his hand was almost vice-like now.

After some time had passed, Sirius knew it was time to leave. He'd instructed them to do the charm that night. Peter would arrive shortly after he left; for Peter's safety, and by extension, the secret's safety, Sirius and Peter would have to have very little interaction. It was best if it looked like Sirius himself was in hiding, so he would make arrangements to abandon his flat and find a new one tonight.

But before he left the house, something gripped at his heart. Something he had to do that he'd almost forgotten; he never would have forgiven himself. Harry had been asleep in his bedroom during their conversation. But Sirius knew he could never hope to face what was ahead of him if he missed one last chance to see his godson.

"Can I," he started. "Can I say goodbye?"

"No," said Lily bitterly. Sirius glared at her, painfully. "Absolutely not." She choked out a sob. "You may go and see him in case its a long time before you see him again. You may tell him you love him, you may pick him up if you feel so inclined, but you may not say goodbye."

"Lily," said James, softly, wrapping an arm around her. "Let's give them a moment." Sirius nodded and went into Harry's room.

Fortunately the baby was awake. He eagerly smiled at his godfather as Sirius came over to the crib and picked him up. Holding him there, Sirius was overcome with emotion. He knew that in spite of Lily's willing it not to be so, he would never see him again. He hugged the boy close to his chest and started sobbing. He cursed himself for doing it, thinking surely that Harry would start crying now. But he didn't.

In an attempt to get ahold of himself, Sirius sat down in the chair in the corner of the room with Harry on his lap.

"Harry," he said, through his tears. The boy looked intently at him. "I'm not really sure what's going to happen. It could be a long time before you see me again." He was suddenly sure that sticking to a Lily-approved script wouldn't do. Surely this conversation was meaningless to a 1 year-old, but the prospect of missing out on a lifetime of being Harry's godfather was overwhelmingly sad. He had to compensate, even though time was short.

"I don't think you're even going to remember me," he said with a bizarre half-laugh-half-sob. "But I'm sure you're dad can be counted on to tell you the stories. I'm not worried about what you do or don't think about me, I just have to know that you'll be safe. That's the only reason I'm able to leave you like this. Everything is going to be ok, Harry, I promise. Your mum and dad love you so much, and you're going to live to see this darkness pass; with any luck, you won't remember that either."

Sirius wiped the tears off his face. He couldn't believe how calm the baby was. "Promise me you'll get into lots of trouble when you get to Hogwarts?" He forced a smile which little Harry returned. Sirius took this as agreeing to the promise. "That's my boy. Oh Harry, your godfather loves you so much. You're going to make me so proud, whatever you do." Sirius realized it was time to leave; he hated it, but he had to be strong. He stood and returned Harry to his crib.

"Goodbye Harry," he whispered as he bent over the rail to kiss the boy's unblemished forehead. "I love you."

In a very quick motion, for he knew it was the only way he could manage it, he turned his back and walked out of the room. As soon as he took a step away from the crib, Harry started screaming, but he knew he couldn't turn around. When he made it the small distance to the front door of the house, hearing Harry's miserable cries in the background, he was sure that after withstanding that, whatever horrors Voldemort had in store for him would pale in comparison.

Lily and James were waiting for him at the door. They both threw their arms around him and held him tightly. Lily pulled his face forward and kissed his brow, then she stepped aside; she knew James needed his moment.

"Padfoot, I," he started, then swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Don't, Prongs," said Sirius gently. "You must never be sorry about this. It was my idea and I am completely ready to greet whatever that implies for me. You know I am."

"I know you are, Sirius," he said. "That's what makes it so bloody hard. What kind of coward lets his friend face this for him? It should be me! Lily should take Harry and flea! Let Voldemort waste his time trying to find them through me, not you!" His voice was rising.

"James," said Sirius. "Listen to me right now. You are no coward. You never have been and you never will be. You're going to live and let me do this because you have something to live for. Harry deserves a father and Lily deserves a husband. It would be more cowardly to leave them because you can't face what'll happen to me. I'm going to do this because I have to. I could never live with myself if I didn't. We're at war, James. We don't win without sacrifices and we've always known that. It looks like this is the part I'm meant to play, and I'm ready to play it."

"You're not a pawn in fucking wizard's chess!" James shouted. "You're the best friend I've ever had or will ever have." His voice grew smaller and soon he was embracing Sirius, burying his face in his taller friend's shoulder. Sirius gripped him tightly. There was nothing else he could say that would help.

Reluctantly, they parted then. It would be for the last time. Hours later, after Peter had left, James and Lily spoke softly in their kitchen; Harry had only just settled back down.

"James," she said softly. "I can't say why. I think its just an intuition. But, I just..."

"What is it?"

"I think we've made a mistake," she said quietly. It was awful to say or even think that.

"It can't be changed," said James firmly. "I trust Sirius' judgement; I know you do too."

"It's not that," she said. "I just feel like there's some important element of this that we aren't seeing. Something that's going to change everything. I could very well be crazy." He reached across the table and took her hand.

"No," he said. "You're not crazy. You've been through too much. We all have. We need this to be over. It will be. Voldemort will be defeated and our family will be safe; we have to have faith."

"I know," said Lily, "I can't stop thinking about Sirius."

"Me neither," said James.

"I just feel like he's going to suffer in ways we're not even imagining for his loyalty," she said sadly. "It's hard to explain, but I feel like that's always going to be true, no matter what. Even if by some miracle, Voldemort is stopped this week."


End file.
